Welcome to Future Self Dreaming. My name is Karlos Kukulcan.
In the last presentation I gave an introduction to Stanislov Grof’s transpersonal psychology and the process of spiritual emergence, the transformational process initiated through spiritual emergency or crisis.
Today I’m going to talk about some further awakening that occurred in my own journey during my early twenties, in relation to a Near Death Experience and how this also relates to the process of spiritual emergence.
During this period of consciousness awakening in my early 20’s, I had become an avid reader, particularly about areas of psychology, shamanism, quantum mechanics, philosophy, mythology, mysticism, conspiracies, ufo technology, extraterrestrials, sexuality and sacred geometry.
At times I would have up to twenty books that I was reading simultaneously. Amongst them I also had a fascination with a phenomena that was popular at the time known as channeling and of the many channeled books that I read, there was one that stood out head and shoulders above the others called “Bringers of the Dawn” by Barbara Marciniak who claimed that the intelligence she was channeling resided in the star system of the Pleiades. This book was like a catalyst for some type of awakening for me. As though it had been coded to trigger a transformation from within. Speaking about that process in terms of eastern mysticism, it was as though my crown chackra had blown right open and I’d accessed a state of cosmic consciousness.
Reading Bringers of the Dawn was when I first remember becoming aware of the term synchronicity, which was a phenomena coined by the pioneering psychologist Carl Jung to describe the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.
In other words: Meaningful Co-Incidences.
Modern Day Science has terms for describing such phenomena as Spooky Action at a distance. ... In physics, spooky action at a distance is the concept that an object can be moved, changed, or otherwise affected without being physically touched (as in mechanical contact) by another object. That is, it is the nonlocal interaction of objects that are separated in space.
Entanglement is what Einstein referred to as "spooky action at a distance." It's a phenomenon by which one particle can effectively "know" something about another particle instantaneously, even if those two particles are separated by a great distance.
In terms of Mysticism – this describes the phenomena that Everything is conscious, intelligent and interconnected within a web of consciousness.
In the state of consciousness that I had rapidly bloomed into, the synchronicities were a constant, somewhat overwhelming daily occurrence.
The process of having a spiritual emergence can be quite daunting and often there may be a sense of isolation because other people who have not experienced similar transformational phenomena can attempt to discredit or dismiss your newfound perception and have you stick to the consensus agreements about reality that keep them feeling safe in their known reality model.
One of my flatmates at the time was constantly like this.
At one point I had two friends from school come to stay overnight. We were on verandah one evening and the discussion turned to reflect on a girl who had died when we were at school in an equestrian event after her horse fell on her. At that exact moment a horse in a paddock near our house that I’d never heard before began to whinny and I commented that this was synchronously the universe speaking to us through that horse. My flat mate who was quite skeptical and considered me a bit of a crackpot, dismissed my observation of this synchronous occurrence, stating whilst pointing at a large bug that was crawling across the table, and stating that he would believe me when that bug jumped onto my shoulder and began speaking the secrets of the universe to me. A few moments went by and I turned my head towards him in conversation and noticed that the bug was now sitting upon my shoulder. I pointed this out to my flat mate and he mockingly said “Well what’s it told you?” I and so explained that it told me that he wouldn’t believe me if I tried to explain anyway”.
To some people who live close to nature, following natural rhythms, practicing the way of the Tao, this state of consciousness is just a natural occurrence. The recognition of the interconnectedness of all life. For me, these synchronicities were a constant source of excitement and surprise and I welcomed them as a recognition of this interconnectedness.
Around that time I had found a shop that had an esoteric library that I could borrow books and movies about esoteric topics from. Each time a read one I wished that I owned it in my private collection.
Due to some good fortune or perhaps predetermination, I inherited that esoteric book collection after walking into the shop to find them having a closing down sale where I could purchase any of the books for a dollar each, so I piled them all in boxes.
Amongst these literary treasures was another book that would have a deep impact on me and change my perception and thinking. This book was titled “Cosmic Trigger” – The Final Secret of the Illuminati by Robert Anton Wilson.
I’d been fascinated with studying the history of conspiracies and the influence of secret societies throughout time, and so the title of this book initially spiked my interest. As the title may suggest, “Cosmic Trigger” turned out to be another of these books coded with an ability to trigger or awaken altered or cosmic states of consciousness when reading it.
Of the many occult themes within Cosmic Trigger, one of the main focuses of consideration is the idea that via the use of brain changing techniques the author entered a belief system where he was having interactions with an intelligence from the Sirius star system. This idea appealed to me on multiple levels, particularly due to my resonance with the Bringers of the Dawn material which was purported to have been channelled from a collective group of intelligence within the Pleiades star system.
In Cosmic Trigger Robert Anton Wilson describes his use of psychedelic or entheogenic drug use combined with various breathing techniques, yoga, hypnosis, ritual magical and other methods for activating circuitry within the brain associated with past and future human evolutionary states of consciousness. He outlines an 8 circuit brain model developed by psychedelic guru Timothy Leary and identifies that the “Final secret of the illuminati” is related to this capacity for making brain and consciousness change via ritual magik and tantric sexual practices.
Over the years this book has provided a map that has helped me navigate some challenging periods of fooling around with my own consciousness with brain change experiments like a foolish Sorcerer’s apprentice, and entering into in a realm that Robert Anton Wilson refers to as “Chapel Perilous” – which becomes like a hall of mirrors within your own mind. Cosmic Trigger certainly helped give me a reference point for a Near Death encounter that I was to have.
One of the ideas that I kept reading about in the Bringers of the Dawn was the concept of activating the human light body referred to as the “Merkabah”. When talking about the concept with some friends they directed me to speak with one friend in particular who was obsessed with the work of James Hurtak and his book “The Keys of Enoch”, that was filled with references to the Merkabah. And this soon led to purchasing books by Drunvalo Melchezidek based on his original workshops called “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” which had instructions for a meditation technique to activate the Merkabah. This began my introduction to the world of Sacred Geometry, and throughout these books there were multiple references to the influence of the Star system Sirius.
At this time in my life, a regular practice had been to go to a weekly meditation evening facilitated by a women named Camilla who played crystal bowls. She recommended a 12 week course to me by a guy named Alan Moffat who referred to himself as Alan the Angelman. Now this course appealed to me because of the title which was “Angel ascension course – Emulating the Near Death experience without trauma”. This peaked my interest because I’d had a fascination with people’s stories of NDE and Out of body encounters. I was very dubious about how a near death experience could be emulated.
Anyway I was compelled to enrol in the course and a couple of weeks later,
Alan the Angelman was due to come to my home to begin this process that he explained over the phone would connect me with my angels who would be guiding the process.
The day before Alan arrived I was out for a walk in the bush and I sat down at an area I liked and began wondering about this course. All of a sudden it dawned on me that as a young child I’d had an imaginary friend named Michael. On multiple occasions in adult life, my mother had reminded me about how as a small child I used to stroll around the family farm having these conversations with my friend Michael.
Now it was probably also the fact the while reading Drunvalo’s accounts in the Flower of Life books of interacting with the Archangel Michael. But at the time the remembrance of this presence throughout my childhood was overwhelming and I wondered how I could have forgotten.
When Alan the angelman arrived I decided to take him for a walk to the place I’d been the day before. On our walk there I asked him if he was aware of the shamanic work of the author Carlos Casteneda, who’s books I had a fascination with. Alan began to explain that he was an Angel Shaman and that his Shamanic practice was dance, which was what he was going to teach me. I explained that I had remembered my imaginary friend Michael and he told me this was my archangel, and that his was the archangel Raphael, who was the archangel of healing who had directed him in facilitating this angel ascension process and NDE without the death trauma.
When we reached our destination we sat down on a log and Alan began to take out a set of coloured pastels and a pastel pad.
I am going to draw you what the angels communicate to me”, he explained. “This drawing is your angel signature. It is a key. You are the vehicle. When you place the key with the vehicle, the angels will take you on a journey.
As he selected each color to draw on the pastel pad, he also wrote down what the angels communicated to him
“I am all around you. (red) I am within you. (purple) The door of love. (pink) Do you remember? (green) I was there. (blue/peace) And I bring wisdom. (yellow)”
Instructed me to draw what he had drawn on the page with my finger in the air and then do the angel dance. I had no idea what he meant. He told me just to allow the angels to work with me and let my body dance.
Alan the angelman explained that before the process of ascension would occur, that the angels would take me on a journey of descent and healing.
He told me that over the course of the next 12 weeks, he was going to send me weekly pastel drawings via email and I was to use them as he had showed me by drawing them in the air, then to dance and allow the angel to work with me.
He also emphasised that it would be a good idea for me to get a set of the coloured pastels and a pastel pad
to draw what the angels were communicating with me. And he gave me a list of self-awareness exercises to make note of happenings in my life each week.
I had absolutely zero idea really what I was supposed to be doing but I did make an attempt to communicate with my angels. Each week I kept meaning to buy the coloured pastels and pastel pad and by the forth week I’d become so frustrated with my lack of remembrance to do so that I’d actually written myself a note and left it next to my bed….to remind myself to buy the pastels and pastel pad.
Throughout that week I ran into a friend who invited me to her housewarming that night. I attended the party and at one point was joined by a girl named Kelly who sat next to me ad we began chatting. She explained that she was from Perth in Western Australia and had been travelling down the eat coast of Australia for several weeks and was at the end of her journey with only two nights before she was due to fly home. I asked her how she came to be at the party and she told me it was a strange story because one of the girls who’s housewarming it was she knew from Perth several years earlier. Just happened to run into her as she was walking into restaurant with cd in her hand and then she invited her to the party.
Kelly and I hit off and I after talking all night I invited her to come and stay at my home overnight which she did. Knowing that she was returning to Perth the following day I told her I’d really been enjoying her company and would love her to stay again that night and that I could drop her off to catch her bus to airport the following day. She agreed and told me we would need to got to the backpackers lodge where she had been staying to pick up her belongings so I took her there. When we arrived she began stuffing all her belongings in her backpack which was completely full. She handed me a plastic bag with something in it which wouldn’t fit into her backpack and said here, I bought these at the beginning of my journey and haven’t used them would you like them. I opened it up and sure enough it was a set of the coloured pastels and pastel pad that I’d been meaning to but to draw my angelic communications on.
This was a pretty significant omen for me and it seemed as though this budding relationship had been orchestrated.
Over following weeks Kelly and I talked on the phone daily. Eventually the topic of me wanting to come visit her in Perth came up. Her response was one of trepidation about letting somebody into her new home and possibly her heart after a previous relationship breakup, which was understandable. However it emotionally triggered a sense of abandonment and rejection in me and although we ended that phone conversation acknowledging each others vulnerabilities and agreeing to be gentle with one another I came away from it with the Sense I’d been stabbed in the guts.
The next day I went to work and was still upset and sensing these stab wounds in my stomach. I was working overnight shifts doing youth work and decided when I got home the next day I’d go for a walk into the bush and see if I could release this emotion, however, I couldn’t get in touch with it. Another day at work went by and I came home exhausted and still feeling the sense of these stab wounds in my abdomen. I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep where I preceded to have a very intense dream sequence.
“I am travelling down the road that leads towards my childhood house. As I’m driving, I pass two immaculate, white cars that are shaped like strange faces that resemble skulls. I look at one of the cars, which changes form, into a hand held telephone. I pick up the receiver and am speaking to a women whom I seem to know. She is telling me about a rare drumming CD with strange numbers on it and something about the devil. I am using a phone that belongs to a woman who’s house I am minding. She is in another country. I tell her about a girl I had met while she was away.
I am in my car, reversing out of the driveway of a friend’s country house. There is a girl in the car. I try not to run into a stone wall as I reverse out. I drive towards home.
After travelling the road home, I find myself gathered with a group of men who I recognise as Jesus’ disciples. Jesus is there with the group, however I cannot see him physically, I recognise him by his presence alone. We are making a type of drink together with the presence of Christ. This elixir is made ‘of our hands’, and was to be shared around the group from a goblet.
I see a man who’s body is severely cut. He has deep lacerations and many stitches holding the flesh together. I realise that this man is me and can feel the deep wounds.
In this body I do not feel that I am worthy to partake in sharing the elixir we have made, and so I begin to depart from the group. Firstly I say farewell to the men. After I have done this I approach the presence I recognise as Christ, and move to embrace him as I say farewell. He holds me and washes the liquid from the goblet over my wounds, which heal as he does so. He embraces me, squeezing me tightly. As he does so, I let out two huge moans that howl from the pit of my belly.
I then find myself sitting at a large wooden table in what I would imagine a traditional Italian kitchen may look like. There are two wise women sitting across the table from me. I am being counselled by them.”
I woke from this dream crying and I could still sense this overwhelming healing Christ energy and the sense of stab wounds in my stomach had healed up. This energy was so intense that for Several days afterwards, my heart chackra was just blown wide upon. I felt like a had a divine light radiating through me and I didn’t know hw long it would last for but was about three days in total.. I just wanted to hugs people and see if I could give them some sense of what I was experiencing.
It’s very hard to convey in language this very personal experience that I’d had and the profundity of it.
I didn’t really have a reference point for that experience. Although I had no expectations of that 12 week angel ascension course being able to emulate the near death encounter, that’s what had transpired. A process of death and rebirth usually associated with points of emergency that lead to emergence. This had been a journey firstly into the underworld and a return to the light.
It was also an experience that had commonalities with shamanic rights of passage in initiations of death and rebirth, where a common theme is one of being dismembered and then pieced back together. Which was what I had encountered in my dream with my body being deeply lacerated.
Didn’t know whether I was supposed to become a born again Christian after this experience? With some time and perspective though I realized although I had no need for any religious association, this experience was what early Christians undergoing shamanic death/rebirth rituals might have originally referred to as being born again.
Reading Robert Anton Wilson’s Cosmic Trigger helped to understand this process for Shamanic Awakening as an equation or formula that involves Near Death plus rebirth resulting in the nervous system being rebooted to a higher order of consciousness.
His book describes processes that free the nervous system from conditioned perception, practices for jolting the nervous system into higher functioning and activating new nuerological circuits in the process.
Robert Anton Wilson describes the processes or ordeals of death/rebirth that would catapult initiates into a new nuerological awareness and highlights that in some initiatory schools there is a great reliance upon the assistance of a superhuman entity of superior intelligence which assists in the Metaprogramming of human consciousness, that may be referred to be a number of names, sometimes known as the Cabalistic Holy Guardian Angel, the Secret Chief of Sufism, other cultures knew this entity as A six foot tall white rabbit known as the The Pookah, your spirit guides, totem animals, extraterrestrial intelligences, ancestral spirits or a bunch of others.
The paradoxical question that people going through this metaprograming process may need to grapple with is in wondering if this entity is something external to you or is within your unconscious psyche. The more comfortable with paradox we become and the less need for black and white thinking that we develop, the easier the process is to accept.
So I hope you have enjoyed this presentation about one of my own shamanic initiatory death and rebirth processes. In future episodes I’ll elaborate more on the work of Robert Anton Wilson and the 8 circuit model of nuerological change which may help give context for encounters with non-ordinary reality.
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In Lakech